Cracked
Thought I’d finally found myself
When the self I thought I was
Cracked,
Shattered into a thousand jagged pieces.
Now I know why Humpty had to fall.
He had to free himself
From his own illusion.
There was no Humpty left
To be put back together again,
His pieces now scattered
Among the pieces of the world.
He was larger.
Multitudes contained him.
Shattered as I am,
I cannot put my pieces back together again.
It was only an illusion
That made them seem whole.
More than the sum of my parts
I am the sum of all parts
And the space between.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Coyotes
And the coyotes sang a juicy-cat song,
Leaving their secret places in the foothills,
Following scent trails scattered by the warm Santa Ana wind,
Softly padding together through the maze of asphalt,
Defying the logic of cul-de-sacs,
Then,
Suddenly glad,
So glad to be together
Beneath the tree-shaded suburban street lights,
So happy to be together in the adventure,
Spiriting the neighborhoods of the hairless ones
The Counting Down Of Hours
I could write about the season,
The allusions of Spring,
And extinguish every trace
Of the human race.
But who would I be writing to?
Only a precious few
Have the time
To ponder
The metaphysics of the view.
The rest are possessed,
Scant time to smell flowers,
So much left to do,
The counting down of hours.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Coming Home
Early one evening
After another long day,
I could not turn down the street where I live,
Where my life deposits itself,
Where I always do what must be done,
Work or play,
Every day.
I drove right past without hesitation,
Past the street,
Past the gray blanket of familiarity.
I took the long way around,
Pondering the pathways of my life,
Watching the sky turn dark,
The porch lights blinking on.
Having nowhere else to go,
I came home.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Clearing
Yes,
I know,
These words are not enough
To describe the longings of the heart,
To diminish the entanglements of our lives
That too often strangle our finer emotions.
These words are not enough.
We need to find our way
To a clearing in the forest,
To walk into the light with arms outstretched,
To remember.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
I Knew A Young Man
I knew a young man
Who drank warm water
Right from the faucet,
From his cupped hand.
Everything he did,
An act of defiance,
An act of strength,
His way through the world.
They sent him to the war
And he didn’t last a week.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Child Abuse
O the constant recitation of sonnets,
The endless Mozart sonatas,
The cavernous museums,
Art, art, art.
Art of all shapes and forms to consume,
Digest,
Regurgitate.
The long lessons,
The querulous questions,
The awful answers,
The proud and ponderous books
Piled high before me,
An Everest of learning,
Of knowing,
Of transcending.
All the advantages
Were mine,
When all I really wanted to do
Was pull the tail of the old tabby
And make him screech.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Child
There is a child in me,
Surprised at what he sees,
This eternal child,
Always surprised,
Especially now,
Seeing the passage of time
Marked upon my face.
O time,
I still don’t understand,
Though I’ve changed from boy to man,
Though I will change from what I am,
The child,
Remains.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Rehab
Honesty,
Pure honesty,
Every waking moment.
See the past,
Change the future,
No matter what you’ve done,
No matter how long it takes,
No matter how many times you fail
And fall,
Start again,
This day,
This moment.
Honesty is the first step,
Pure honesty,
Every waking moment.
From this all blessings come.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
This Crow
This crow,
Walking daintily yet determinately
Across the street.
In no hurry.
Time on his—wings?
No need to fly such a short distance.
No sounds of approaching vehicles.
A quiet neighborhood.
No traffic to worry about.
Should a delivery van suddenly appear,
Hurtling around the corner,
Speeding straight toward him,
Just a few wing flaps would propel him from harm.
I do wonder what it must be
To take flying so for granted,
As if a sudden leap,
High into the sky,
Coming to rest on a slim treetop branch,
Were nothing at all.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
A Certain Freedom
I am no one in particular,
Nobody special,
Never promoted,
Lucky to have a job actually,
To earn a living.
My wife is tired of me.
My children are preoccupied.
Life does not expect too much from me,
Which allows a certain freedom.
I get up early each morning,
Alone in the dark,
Make a cup of coffee
And sit in my favorite chair
Watching the world get light.
I hear soft voices
And I am filled with joy.
How very good it is to be alive.
How very, very good it is,
Indeed.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Can We Rise?
Is it a kind of betrayal
If we rise
While others fall?
Are we entitled to happiness
While others suffer so?
Must happiness be tempered
And sorrow obeyed?
Can you compare one life
To another?
Balance one life
With another
When circumstances diverge
And intentions splinter?
If those around us are falling,
Is it a kind of betrayal
If we rise?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
When The Demons Take Over
What do you do
When the demons take over?
Do you rant and rave,
Do you become a slave?
How clearly wrong
It all seems the next day
With your appetite sated,
Your lust abated.
What new resolutions
Do you promise to keep
As you pull yourself out
From the dark and the deep?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
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